Recession, meet Z-session

In these troubling times I know that we are all looking for solutions to the many problems brought about by the recession and current times. I have thought of the perfect solution that would solve everything: Zombie Apocalypse. Now this might seem a little extreme, but let me explain why this would be the best solution for everyone.

Now, it is obvious that there would be quite a lot of mayhem in the beginning as the zombies rose and started going crazy, but here is what would have happened. First, the troops would come home immediately. We would need help killing off the zombies, so war in Iraq & Afghanistan would be put on hold while the military killed off the zombies here. This would be a win win because we would get our troops back, as well as not having to worry about the middle east because it would be swarmed with zombies also.

In the aftermath of this much of the country would be damaged and because of this central government would have to take a back seat to state sovereignty and thus restoring us back to the way things were. As we progressed the US would regain our "eye of the tiger" we seemed to have lost, rely heavily on capitalism and once again take the top spot on the world totem poll with a booming economy and functional government. As an added bonus, the damage done to cities and suburban areas would allow us to make a smooth transition to "go green" as everyone is crazy to do. Sadly, the people most excited by this prospect would for the most part, not be there to enjoy it. As it is, post zombie apocalypse would show a 20 to 1 conservative to liberal population as let's face it, liberals hate guns, and zombies hate liberals plus anything else that moves.

The greatest advantage though would be the 2012 election. Although president Obama would obviously survive and do a great job inspiring the population, he will lose in a landslide election to the new challenger who receives 89% of the popular vote.... Zombie Reagan. Under the steady but mangled hand of zombie Reagan capitalism would thrive and America would be a beacon of hope to all once again. As an added bonus, Zombie Reagen angered by the possibility of his Nuclear Proliferation work being destroyed world invite Ahmadinejad and Kim Jong Il to a meeting to talk about the future. Unfortunately for them, Reagan would see they were crazy and eat them both. The would will rejoice as a nation state of Korea and a democratic Iran is formed.








The final bonus would be however the Resurrection Tour. Michael Jackson would preform thriller like it had never been preformed before, and as a zombie, needing no drugs, and everyone being OK with thinking he looked weird, his next CD goes double platinum setting new records.

There it is, Zombie Apocalypse followed by Americas rise back to power. I think that's a great solution, just make sure you sleep with a shotgun next to your bed like Jenny and I do.

Till next time.....

I'm Back, My Bad

After being repeatedly verbally accosted by Russ over the past month or so, I thought it was time for me to write another blog. So, for the first part of the blog it will be dedicated to Russ. If you don't know, which you should know, Russ Guild is this guy:



To start let me say that if you have google maps on your phone, you should just delete it and install Russ Maps™ instead. Russ Maps™ is far superior to google maps in live direction assistance. On my way to watch the Rangers get blown out by the Yankees on memorial day, I was headed down 30 to the ball park and as I approached there was (not an exaggeration) about a 1.5 to 2 mile line of cars leading to the exit where you could then get in line to wait to get into the parking lot where you could wait to get to a lot and park. As I approached, Russ intstructed me to NOT take ballpark way, but instead travel a bit further and take the next exit at Center Road. I, without hesitation went where Russ instructed me to go and found a wide open exit and path all the way to my parking spot. Clearly, this was a route only known to Russ Guild. So thanks Russ.

Now, for a quick recap of everything I have missed while not blogging I'll catch up.
LOST: Awesome, don't want to wait till 2010. Jacob is evil.

STAR TREK: Great movie, I could make a whole blog post about how good it was on every level. Being raised by people who have attended a convention makes me biased, loving LOST makes me biased, but still, it was great.

WOLVERINE: I don't feel the need to jump on the band wagon and hate on this movie cause it's "cool". It's a movie...about a comic book...where a guy can't die and has an adamantium skeleton, and you want to get all technical and say things like "not believable", "could tell it was CGI"? The fact that people don't go to movies to be entertained anymore says a lot, so much that it will be a blog later.

TWITTER: I'm sure a lot of you are going the "I'm not going to jump on that fad" or whatever. The truth is, what do you do on facebook? Or your Myspace, or whatever? You click on and scroll over what your friends are doing, sometimes add what you are doing....... What if they made something for that MINUS all the crap. Oh..they did, it's called Twitter and even my dad is on it, "shane85" and he is already better than you at it, including @ replies and all. Even Hutton's dad is on it, speaking of which, buy his book, it's called On The Steps, if you followed him on Twitter, you'd know that.

NORTH KOREA: everyone knows Kim Jong Ill 3 is insane. I do wonder however, if G-Dub was still in the White House would that Nuke firing had taken place? Maybe, maybe not.

Stan Van Gundy > COY Mike Brown

The Ranger's are great, and while part of me wants no band wagoners, I think it's inevitable and as long as they cheer for the Rangers, it's ok with me.

Till Next Time...... which won't be as long. Promise.

Spoiler Alert

Warning: Do not continue to read this blog unless 1.) you have watched LOST up to date, and 2.) You like totally awesome things. If you haven't watched all of LOST this season, or your afraid to have you mind grapes crushed, then don't read on.
.
..
...
....
.....
......
.......
........
.........
..........
.........
........
.......
......
.....
....
...
..
.

So, I'm a little behind when I wanted to post this blog. That's ok though, now it's here for all to enjoy. This has been a pretty good season thus far, we're got a lot of answers and now some new questions. Here are a few questions that I have and I've heard others have too.
1.) Where is Daniel Faraday?
2.) What happened to Ben?
4.) How are Lepidus and Sun going to make it back?
5.) Was that Claire?

Warning: I'm bad at spelling, especially peoples names, get over it.

For Faraday, we know his alive, we know he has a crazy notebook with crazy stuff in it, and we know he knows a lot about time and stuff, so he is doing one of two things. Faraday is out in the jungle but he's not just wandering around.....he's looking for Jughead. Faraday knows that if he can detonate it he can destroy the island and thus save Charlotte. Even though Faraday is reasonable and believes we can't change anything, he lost Charlotte and is now crazy so....he's gonna try that now. OR Faraday is outside the room while his friend is stabbed by a nazi when he could EASILY walk in and shoot him therefore saving his friend. Instead he's a big baby and his buddy dies....I will ALWAYS hold that against him.

Ben, so Ben just got PWND by Sayid. The easy response is, wow, I guess we can change things, so now there is going to be a new thing to fix. OR Ben isn't dead, he's hurt. First of all, Sayid doesn't miss...Ben is TOTALLY dead. To the first one I think it has some promise, but either way this means the Ben we know now, lets call him future Ben, has known about Sayid all his life, what he's like etc. UNLESS....my theory is these are both wrong. When I think about Ben's character, and what he's like, what is Future Ben and Past Ben are two different people? What if after this incident where past Ben dies, the hostiles send they're own guy in (younger future Ben) to replace him and infiltrate the Darma iniciative so he can fufill his duty and kill them all eventually? I wouldn't put it past Ben(if thats his name). This would be a stretch, but cool if it's true.

Sun and Lepidus need to get back to the others.......or do they? Wouldn't it make MORE sense if the others need to get back to the now? Wouldn't that make more sense if Ceaser's crew is going to be actual characters in the show now, which wouldn't be possible if Sun and Lepidus just go back in time? I think Sun and Lepidus have to get everyone back to now, and they need the help is some sort of "case". I saw a video with the head props technician on LOST. He wouldn't say why, but his crew is making a "case". It seemed like this case was a pretty big deal. So I don't have MUCH on this yet but I'm working, I DO however have something to blow your mind grapes with however. HOPEFULLY you have Nameste recorded. Go back and watch it, go to the scene where Christian says "I'm sorry you have a long journey ahead of you" and look closely the camera will pan to Suns face...look over her left shoulder in the background....I'll wait.............. ........................................YEAH....it was a blonde woman.....who is blonde...and a woman...and seen with Christian?? Whammy. Claire.

I've been doing a lot of research into Egyptian culture like Anubis the statue, the hyroglyphics everywhere, the fact that Horace's name is Horace.. an Egyptian God. Richards NON-eyeligner eyes...etc. I'm not sure yet but I really think it will play a big roll in the final conclusion. I'll think of more, and wait till some others are a little better before next time.
Till next time......

Church Time

Jenny recently told me that our blog doesn't include enough pictures...

So, apparently there is this sort of "lectureship" thing that goes on at a church here in Tulsa. It's your basic, bunch of people come to church, various praise teams sing and throughout the week there are different speakers. Nothing really new here. Well, Jenny and I went to the opening night tonight. We actually found out after we were there that the speaker was Rick Atchley, which was cool, but because of storms we never saw him.(he was supposed to speak at 7, we left around 8:30) ANYWAY an interesting thing happened on the way in. Jenny and I smelled pizza, and after we sat down with out friends Jenny asked about it. Our friend Dave told us it was free......we like free. Jenny then asked another question. A question I, would not have thought to ask, but she did. Jenny asked if it would OK to bring some into the auditorium. Dave said that it was cool, and off Jenny went. I sat there at first thinking not much of it, but as Jenny returned....I saw what had happened. I looked around and noticed that not one person in the building had food in the auditorium,...except in between Jenny and I. This is what we had.
That's right....we even had dessert. Wow. Well needless to say, I couldn't take a bite. I thought about it and I realized, you know...this is the house of God, I think I can wait a while. Jenny of course decided the same thing and so we both didn't eat any.
By that I mean, Jenny started eating in church. In. Church. Sorry God, I would praise you....but my praise is blocked....by Satan? no, .......by pizza. I must have heard the song wrong, "and if we had ten thousand tongues, we would praise you with 9,999 of them, the other one would be eating pizza." Needless to say, Jenny needs our prayers for eating in church. Pretty sure it was in the old testament somewhere. But wait, Jenny wasn't done. I want to show you something:
I know it's hard to see, but that is a stain. You want to know a secret? It wasn't there before we arrived. Jenny decided to take it to the next level and spill her tea on the carpet. So lets review, Jenny brought food into the auditorium, ate it...in the auditorium and then spilled her tea on the carpet. Pray for Jenny.

Changing gears, here is what happens when you give judge a pillow to play with...for 30 seconds.
Please notice the "what did I do wrong?" look. This is a clever guise for what lurks below. Whats below is the, I know I just ripped this up and got it everywhere, and I know you have to clean it up now, but I don't care cause I'm a dog. Thanks.

Till next time.............oh, tomorrow I'll blog about LOST. Because I have good theories, and I know you want to hear them, but you don't want to ask me, cause then I'll know that you want to know what I think, and you're embarrassed. That's OK, everyone already knows I'm really smart and have great LOST theories, but I'll just post them here anyway so you can read them. Your welcome.

I'm calling you out America

I've decided that there are some things wrong with our country, and I am the person to fix them. I'm talking about things that tear at the very moral fabric of our society slowly fracturing the very foundation our nation is built on. The kind that only could be fixed by Nolan Ryans foundation fixing company at a very reasonable price. We need to come together and be a solid nation, one built on Troy Aikman's ACME bricks. Our first step is to correct some of our biggest problems, and Jenny and I experienced one today at SAM's club....

Line Jumpers. What is your problem? Oh, I'm sorry, is my time not as good as yours? My mistake. You know, I understand, when SAM's breaks out the mozzerella sticks, it's a great opportunity and you should jump on it. I just didn't expect someone to blatenly break the rules like that. I've seen it before too, and it mostly comes from one group of people....Soccer Moms. YOU are the problem. Guess what? surviving the birthing process does not earn you a free pass to life. I know you THINK you're clever by avoiding the 5 peeople CLEARLY in line to go to the other side of the free sample kiosk, but you're not. So don't pretend like you don't see all of us staring at you. No, we're not wondering where we can grab the same jeans and matching denim vest combo, we wondering why you're such a terrible person and taking solace that you'll have to be last in heaven....look it up. On another note, SAM's club is probably the greatest invention ever. Thanks capitalism, sorry mom & pop stores. Listen, I know you're great mom&pop, I know we've had great times together, and I know that you know me by name, and will ask me how the family is. Here's the problem though...I can't go and drop $10 at your store and buy a 24pack of ramen noodels and a lunch that feeds Jenny and I until we're full, plus a 32oz drink to take with us. What if I need an industrial sized tub of mayonaise? Do you have that? 3 liters of hot sauce? I don't think so. I will take my 6lbs bag of frozen fruit and bid you good day.

Till next time.....

Dog's are fun

I have a pretty cool dog. He does a lot of cool things. He likes to play with me and he even does some tricks. He plays fetch when I throw the tennis ball, he plays tug-of-war with me and Jenny, he chews his bones around the house and he even comes and gets on the couch with us when he's tired to curl up and sleep. Tonight though, he learned a brand new trick that I didn't even teach him. Tonight, he waited until I walked into the kitchen to do some dishes. He waited till just the right moment, and then he did his trick. His trick was to hit my glass of tea and knock it so it would land just PERFECTLY on my laptop. This is great because it didn't make a mess on the floor or anything like that because it got to pour directly into my laptop. So now, I don't have a laptop that works, currently I'm writing this on Jenny's. On the up-side, I get to go to apple store tomorrow, so that will be fun.
Till next time....

____________Girl Stuff_____________

I know you may be wondering, "Hey, whats up with all the girly type decorations of this blog?". Maybe your saying, "man, if I saw this blog walking in school, I would beat it up and take it's lunch money". No matter what your thinking, you should know that Jenny has decided on adding a woman's touch to our blog. Hence the girliness of it. To apease the male audiences and to make myself feel better, I have now posted the most awesome picture you will EVER see in you life. EVER. I mean really? Two huge silver-back gorillas in mid flight attacking each other? Do you really think you can find something more testosterone filled and awesome than this? Only if one was a robot and the other was on fire. Good luck buddy, we both know that picture is WAY too awesome for you to out do it. Now that this blog has be re-manified, I'm out.